365 Books: a Year of Mourning and of Joy

Fourteen years ago, my oldest sister died of cancer. Three years later, I began a year of reading a book a day as a way to cope with my grief. The intense reading brought me out of the pits of sorrow and showed me that I was anot alone in my experiences of loss, sadness, guilt, and uncertainty. The writers that I read shared with me their own visions of how the world is, and brought me back to a place where I could see the future while also remembering the past.

As I wrote in my memoir of reading a book a day, “life is hard, unfair, painful. But life is also guaranteed — one hundred percent, no doubt, no question — to offer unexpected and sudden moments of beauty, joy, love, acceptance, euphoria. The good stuff. It is our ability to recognize and then hold on to the moments of good stuff that allows us to survive, even thrive. And when we can share the beauty, hope is restored.”

I carry my sister with my always, and although I will never be reconciled to her loss, the writers I read restored to me the ability to find whatever joy the world has in it, to share what I find, and to endure as best I can— and fight against — misery, inequity, and despair. I still turn to books for comfort, escape, wisdom, and strength. To quote from the wonderful writer Tatjana Soli, from her book The Lotus Eaters, “…after so much had been taken, so must could still be…